(Sefton's Christmas dinner speech about how much shipping is being sunk in the Atlantic has upset Jean, who rushes upstairs to the bedroom.)

EDWIN ASHTON
I'm sorry about that. I should have stopped him.

JEAN ASHTON
Have you ever tried to stop him?

EDWIN
No.

JEAN
Why not?

EDWIN
Once or twice I've come pretty near to walking out on him, but I've never quite made it, for one reason or another.

JEAN
Because of me and the children?

EDWIN
There was me, too, of course.

JEAN
(sighing)
Maybe you'd have been happier married to someone else.

EDWIN
Someone in my own class...

JEAN
I didn't mean that, not in that unpleasant way. You'd have been more...comfortable.

EDWIN
We've lived together for over thirty years. We're a bit old to start wondering whether we did the right thing.

JEAN
You do, though, don't you?

(Edwin sits down.)

EDWIN
When I went over to see Dad in the autumn, I told him about Tony going and me taking over. When I was leaving, he looked at me, and he said, "So you're a manager now, then?" That's all, nothing else. But I felt as if I'd been disinherited.

JEAN
All those years ago, when you took Father's offer, I never expected you to, you know.

EDWIN
You wanted it, though, didn't you?

JEAN
I wanted to stay near Mother. It seemed the best thing at the time.

EDWIN
I thought I'd be able to keep you in the manner to which you were accustomed, as they say. But when I began to see it wouldn't work...David had come along, and Margaret, Philip. Jobs were at a premium, we had the house rent-free. It's not that you don't know that there's a hedge growing up around you, but one day you look, and...it's six foot high.

JEAN
I'd have understood, if you'd talked to me. You should have talked to me more.

EDWIN
(angrily)
Did you ever try talking to me? About your father's will, for instance...

JEAN
I started to tell you. You said what we had was what you earned. I didn't want to cut into your pride any more.

EDWIN
(laughing bitterly)
Pride! Illusions...isn't that what you mean?

JEAN
Ten years ago...you were different.

EDWIN
Yes, I was different, but I might have had the sense to see it for what it was...security for you and the children...and I might just have had one last go at finding that other job.

JEAN
Would it have been all that different? Does it really mean so much to you?

EDWIN
I don't know. I don't know what I am anymore. Now and then at the works, I'll hear myself say something. It's not me...it's your father talking, even Sefton sometimes. Things rub off on you, and you don't really notice at the time. There's a bit of me in Philip, I think, not much in David, and I can see a lad that I was in Robert now and then. And that...
(choking with emotion)
That's about all there is to show for those thirty years.

JEAN
I'm sorry you feel like that.

(Edwin stands up and slowly walks toward the door.)

EDWIN
Robert's as all right as we could make him, you know. It's mainly up to him now. the rest is chance, and we all have to live with that...don't we? When there's a war, it's just that much harder.

JEAN
Yes, it's harder.

EDWIN
Why don't you have a rest?

JEAN
Yes, I think I will. The others won't mind if I don't come down for a bit, will they?

EDWIN
No. No, of course not.

JEAN
They don't really need us anymore, do they?

(Edwin, saying nothing in reply, turns away and exits the room, leaving Jean to weep in solitude.)

 

(from "The End of the Beginning" by John Finch)