(Philip and Hazard have moved into temporary quarters, a tent that will serve as their home during the course on mine warfare.)

JACK HAZARD
(removing a pair of German pyjamas from his kitbag)
Afrika Korps issue. I picked them up when I was on a job call, and we shot up a German HQ. Yeah, you're a gentleman in that army.

PHILIP ASHTON
Well, if you're so keen on the Germans, why don't you go and join them?

HAZARD
Ah, well, there's the rub. How do I go about it? "Application for Posting: 498665; Sergeant Hazard, J.; Request transfer to 9th Panzer Grenadiers."
(laughing)
Somehow, I don't see that going through.

PHILIP
(annoyed)
Don't you ever think of them as enemies?

HAZARD
No. I just think of them as someone who's got it all organised.

PHILIP
Yeah. Yeah, they organised in Spain, all right.

HAZARD
Is that why you went there?

PHILIP
What do you mean?

HAZARD
Well, for the...for the politics. For the idea.

PHILIP
That, and other reasons.

HAZARD
I'd have gone to see how I liked it under fire.
(smiling)
Yeah, to see some place foreign...different. For the wine and the señoritas.
(chuckling)
Hey, how did you get on with the señoritas?

PHILIP
I didn't meet any.

HAZARD
Oh, that wouldn’t have done for me!
(looking at Philip)
Ashie?

PHILIP
Hmm?

HAZARD
What did you do on civvy street?

PHILIP
I translated cables in a telegraph office.

HAZARD
No, no, no...before that, when you went to Spain.

PHILIP
I was... I was studying.

HAZARD
Don't tell me! Oxford.

PHILIP
(surprised)
How did you guess?

HAZARD
(affecting a posh accent)
Oh, one Oxford chap can always tell another, you know...some indefinable step.

PHILIP
Were you there?

HAZARD
(still with the accent)
Well, of course, old boy...Jesus!

PHILIP
I don't remember.

HAZARD
Ah, you wouldn't. My old man was head porter. He used to take me up there when I was a little lad...but only on the vacations. Hey, do you know something? When I was fifteen, I ran away from home and joined up with a fairground mob. The University of Life, hey?
(singing "Lili Marlene")
"Werd' ich bei der Laterne stehn / Wie einst Lili Marleen..." Know what it's about, do you?

PHILIP
Know what what's about?

HAZARD
"Lili Marlene." It's about a whore who stands outside the barrack gates...wants to do as much for her country as the gallant soldier boys who risk their lives. So she, uh... She gives it away...free! Do you know the Jerries have field brothels? Straight up. Can you imagine? "Now, what's your unit, my man?" "Number 8 Field Brothel, sir."

(Laughing at his own joke, Hazard reaches for the course training manual.)

HAZARD
Ah, they've even given us our homework..."Mines and Mine Warfare."

(Opening the manual, he begins to read aloud.)

HAZARD
Hey, listen to this. "Ponder the paths of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established..."

(Suddenly, he becomes quite serious, no longer mocking the words.)

HAZARD
"Turn not to the right, nor to the left..."

(He glances at Philip, who appears to have fallen asleep, and then he continues to read, but now with solemnity and fear.)

HAZARD
"Remove thy foot from evil."

(Hazard tosses the manual aside and lies back on his cot, shaken by these words of Proverbs 4:26-27.)

 

(from "Hazard" by Philip Purser)